Entry tags:
recolle / APPLICATION
PLAYER
YOUR NAME: Sarah #2
18+?: ye.
CONTACT:
thelightroyale
CHARACTERS IN GAME: Lelouch Lamperouge
RESERVATION LINK: here!
YOUR NAME: Sarah #2
18+?: ye.
CONTACT:
CHARACTERS IN GAME: Lelouch Lamperouge
RESERVATION LINK: here!
CHARACTER: CANON SECTION
NAME: Arashi Narukami
AGE: 16
CANON: Ensemble Stars!
NAME: Arashi Narukami
AGE: 16
CANON: Ensemble Stars!
CANON HISTORY: Arashi on the wiki! Here is a list of Mini Events, Intimate Events and translated appearances
CANON PERSONALITY:
note: For the sake of consistency in meta text and also for in-game purposes, I will be using he/him pronouns for Arashi! Please note, however, that in-canon, Arashi tends to refer to himself using the feminine pronoun atashi and tends to refer to himself as neesan/onee-chan (older sister) and there might be liberal references to such. Please refer to the permissions/information post linked in his journal for more information!
Like his name, Arashi Narukami is a storm - a force of nature, if you will.
On first impression, Arashi is a friendly and cheerful person, quick to smile, always having a kind word or greeting even to complete strangers - his very first meeting with the protagonist in his sub-story has him caution against being caught by the student council for sneaking into Yumenosaki's idol campus, only for Arashi to immediately warm up to her upon finding out that she is in the producer's course and subsequently naming himself as the producer's onee-chan. Arashi is smart and usually is able to pick up things almost immediately. He's talented in many areas but not really a master in any of them, and has been stated to like hardworking and honest people mostly because they have something that he doesn't have.
A narcissist at his best, Arashi knows that he's attractive and adores attention. Part of the reason why Arashi is good at being a model is that he enjoys being watched and how being in front of the camera is able to bring out his natural beauty and radiance. Arashi is confident enough to toe the line between self-confidence and outright arrogance, and it is this confidence that allows Arashi to pretty much take most things in stride and seem completely unflappable in canon. Insults (mostly from Izumi, but there have been instances of rejection from people like Ritsu and Subaru) tend to roll off Arashi's back like water, and sometimes Arashi gives as good as he gets, hitting back with witty, snarky comebacks.
Arashi is quick to give affection, both through physical touch and also in words - if he likes you, it's almost always immediately apparent, either via physical touch, affectionate nicknames or general protectiveness, even if it may not always be reciprocated. There's a playful streak that manifests in Arashi's interactions with most people, especially around those that he's at least comfortable with; teasing is generally how he expresses affection and also amusement, while Izumi and the rest of his unit mates are often the recipients of his teasing, Arashi also tends to playfully needle at people who will definitely react to his teasing, including Subaru and Izumi. He likes to spoil his juniors, including treating them and also indulging in their requests sometimes, like agreeing to teach them how to make chocolates for Chocolat Fes. He's also quick to love and facies himself as a champion of unrequited love, especially since the object of his affections, Kunugi-sensei, has yet to return his declarations of love, one-sided as they are.
At his core, Arashi cares deeply - both as a person and also for his friends. He has strong feelings about how friendship functions and how it's supposed to be a give and take situation between friends, although personally, he doesn't mind going out of his way to help people and derives joy from seeing the people that he loves happy. While he's quick to declare himself as the producer's onee-chan, that's because he recognises, rather quickly, that a lone girl in an all-boys school would suffocate without a female presence to ground her. He arranges for the second years to involve Yuzuru in conversation and organises activities like pillow fights during the school trip to cheer Yuzuru up and to take his mind off Tori so that he can enjoy himself. He agrees to help Mika out at his part-time job at a flower shop when they're short staffed because he can't imagine abandoning a beloved friend when they're in distress and need help. Arashi is kind of selfless in that way, and is almost everything that you would expect from an actual knight - elegant, chivalrous and powerful. Tsukasa calls him as such, in one instance during Star Festival, stating that Arashi is righteous and kind, like an ideal knight. He wants to see the people that he cares for succeed, which is why he also goes out of his way during Phantom Thieves vs. Detectives to help Ra*bits with the clue for the Mystery Stage when Izumi's clues prove to be too difficult for Ra*bits to figure out on their own.
It's easy to stop there, but there's more to Arashi than meets the eye, beyond the almost carelessly flippant persona that he tends to adopt when interacting with other people.
Unexpectedly (or as expected?), Arashi is actually an extremely introspective and sharp person, and also has a serious side to him, though it doesn't manifest often. Some of Arashi's monologues are surprisingly deep and perceptive, and gives quite a lot of insight to his attitudes towards certain things like dreams as well as love and friendship, which are all things that Arashi holds close to his heart. Consequently, it is because of his strong feelings towards these three ideas and concepts that Arashi is someone who will step in and intervene if he feels that the people that he cares about are endangering everything that they've worked for, or are putting themselves in danger. The most obvious example is during Star Festival, which is pretty much the one time where Arashi looks visibly distressed about Mika's impulsiveness in wanting to attack Nazuna, because if Mika had done so, he would have been throwing away all the effort that he had put into rebuilding Valkyrie, and having seen people been destroyed by their broken dreams, it's understandable that Arashi doesn't want things like that to happen to his close friends.
Speaking of Star Festival, we also learn during its events that nobody really knows about who Arashi is - he's the kind of person who you could be talking with for ages and yet realise, once you've walked away from the conversation, that you don't know very much about that person at all. Leo lampshades this, saying that he's not close with Arashi, and that Arashi doesn't tell even his unit mates anything about himself. Arashi has a tendency to lie constantly about small things if it means that his unit mates will stop worrying about him, and has a tendency to deflect personal questions unless he's literally cornered about it and has the information dragged out of him. That's honestly the only reason why and how Leo is the only person (aside from Izumi, as implied) who knows about Arashi's backstory regarding his loss and why he was praying at the cenotaph in winter, although he outright lies to Tsukasa that he has no particular reason to be there aside from doing a good deed, to sweep snow away from the cenotaph and to maintain it. The lying isn't out of malice or out of anything like that, though. Arashi admits to himself that he's not particularly ready to tell anyone about the less savoury parts of his backstory.
On the topic of the less savoury parts of his backstory, Arashi wasn't always this selfless or kind. Izumi notes that Arashi had a pretty terrible personality prior to canon, and there are shades of it still evident in Arashi's current behaviour and personality.
Arashi likes competition - most of the time, it's friendly competition between the other runners of the track team, and most of Izumi and Arashi's interactions usually involve a competition of some sort, for instance, in Beauties of Nature and Ballet, Arashi and Izumi both get competitive over how much attention they can command from the audience. Arashi is someone who thrives if there is someone to surmount or surpass, because it makes him feel as if he has to work for the validation of being the peak. This need for competition wasn't always benign, though, Arashi used to be someone who would actually go behind Izumi's back to steal his modeling jobs, and would also be rude to seniors and respond sarcastically when confronted about it. Even now, Arashi also has a tendency to respond with witty, sarcastic remarks if the situation calls for it, although it's mostly played off as teasing, especially when it comes to his interactions with Izumi.
Something that not everyone expects Arashi to have is a vicious and almost cruel streak - it's also not immediately apparent, but because Arashi is very good at interacting with people, he's also very good at using people's weaknesses against them. One specific instance is during the events of Judgment, when Arashi has zero qualms about using Makoto's fear of Izumi to threaten Makoto (specifically, Arashi mentions siccing Izumi on Makoto) to wrangle information about Leo's temporary unit for Judgment, which he manages to do so successfully. He also has a flair for the dramatic and can be a bit of a sadist, especially during Lives - while he's also stated that he's not a fan of the Duel format which knights is famous for, in a Duel against Trickstar, Arashi seems to take pleasure in the thought of single-handedly destroying Trickstar and annihilating them, crushing them to bits.
SKILLS/ABILITIES:
☆ modeling: Arashi is described to be a "natural born supermodel" by Izumi at one point, and worked as a model before switching over to being an idol when entering Yumenosaki. Some of Arashi's cards are very pretty.
☆ idol-ing: As a member of the idol unit knights, Arashi is good at singing and dancing in front of large crowds. Even on his own, Arashi is a formidable idol who has quite a lot of talent, as stated during Duel where he was confident to be able to take on all four members of Trickstar on his own.
☆ other skills: Mentioned in other stories and events - Arashi is a jack of most trades and not really a master of one, since his principle is everything in moderation. He runs for Yumenosaki's track and field team, has a working knowledge of flower arrangement and flower language from his days as a model. He knows how to cook and make chocolates in particular, having taught Trickstar and Ra*bits how to make them, and picked up both basic ballet and ice skating skills during his time as an idol. That aside, his canon specialisation is said to be memorisation, which also manifests in how Arashi has a tendency to pick up things very quickly!
CANON PERSONALITY:
note: For the sake of consistency in meta text and also for in-game purposes, I will be using he/him pronouns for Arashi! Please note, however, that in-canon, Arashi tends to refer to himself using the feminine pronoun atashi and tends to refer to himself as neesan/onee-chan (older sister) and there might be liberal references to such. Please refer to the permissions/information post linked in his journal for more information!
Like his name, Arashi Narukami is a storm - a force of nature, if you will.
On first impression, Arashi is a friendly and cheerful person, quick to smile, always having a kind word or greeting even to complete strangers - his very first meeting with the protagonist in his sub-story has him caution against being caught by the student council for sneaking into Yumenosaki's idol campus, only for Arashi to immediately warm up to her upon finding out that she is in the producer's course and subsequently naming himself as the producer's onee-chan. Arashi is smart and usually is able to pick up things almost immediately. He's talented in many areas but not really a master in any of them, and has been stated to like hardworking and honest people mostly because they have something that he doesn't have.
A narcissist at his best, Arashi knows that he's attractive and adores attention. Part of the reason why Arashi is good at being a model is that he enjoys being watched and how being in front of the camera is able to bring out his natural beauty and radiance. Arashi is confident enough to toe the line between self-confidence and outright arrogance, and it is this confidence that allows Arashi to pretty much take most things in stride and seem completely unflappable in canon. Insults (mostly from Izumi, but there have been instances of rejection from people like Ritsu and Subaru) tend to roll off Arashi's back like water, and sometimes Arashi gives as good as he gets, hitting back with witty, snarky comebacks.
Arashi is quick to give affection, both through physical touch and also in words - if he likes you, it's almost always immediately apparent, either via physical touch, affectionate nicknames or general protectiveness, even if it may not always be reciprocated. There's a playful streak that manifests in Arashi's interactions with most people, especially around those that he's at least comfortable with; teasing is generally how he expresses affection and also amusement, while Izumi and the rest of his unit mates are often the recipients of his teasing, Arashi also tends to playfully needle at people who will definitely react to his teasing, including Subaru and Izumi. He likes to spoil his juniors, including treating them and also indulging in their requests sometimes, like agreeing to teach them how to make chocolates for Chocolat Fes. He's also quick to love and facies himself as a champion of unrequited love, especially since the object of his affections, Kunugi-sensei, has yet to return his declarations of love, one-sided as they are.
At his core, Arashi cares deeply - both as a person and also for his friends. He has strong feelings about how friendship functions and how it's supposed to be a give and take situation between friends, although personally, he doesn't mind going out of his way to help people and derives joy from seeing the people that he loves happy. While he's quick to declare himself as the producer's onee-chan, that's because he recognises, rather quickly, that a lone girl in an all-boys school would suffocate without a female presence to ground her. He arranges for the second years to involve Yuzuru in conversation and organises activities like pillow fights during the school trip to cheer Yuzuru up and to take his mind off Tori so that he can enjoy himself. He agrees to help Mika out at his part-time job at a flower shop when they're short staffed because he can't imagine abandoning a beloved friend when they're in distress and need help. Arashi is kind of selfless in that way, and is almost everything that you would expect from an actual knight - elegant, chivalrous and powerful. Tsukasa calls him as such, in one instance during Star Festival, stating that Arashi is righteous and kind, like an ideal knight. He wants to see the people that he cares for succeed, which is why he also goes out of his way during Phantom Thieves vs. Detectives to help Ra*bits with the clue for the Mystery Stage when Izumi's clues prove to be too difficult for Ra*bits to figure out on their own.
It's easy to stop there, but there's more to Arashi than meets the eye, beyond the almost carelessly flippant persona that he tends to adopt when interacting with other people.
Unexpectedly (or as expected?), Arashi is actually an extremely introspective and sharp person, and also has a serious side to him, though it doesn't manifest often. Some of Arashi's monologues are surprisingly deep and perceptive, and gives quite a lot of insight to his attitudes towards certain things like dreams as well as love and friendship, which are all things that Arashi holds close to his heart. Consequently, it is because of his strong feelings towards these three ideas and concepts that Arashi is someone who will step in and intervene if he feels that the people that he cares about are endangering everything that they've worked for, or are putting themselves in danger. The most obvious example is during Star Festival, which is pretty much the one time where Arashi looks visibly distressed about Mika's impulsiveness in wanting to attack Nazuna, because if Mika had done so, he would have been throwing away all the effort that he had put into rebuilding Valkyrie, and having seen people been destroyed by their broken dreams, it's understandable that Arashi doesn't want things like that to happen to his close friends.
Speaking of Star Festival, we also learn during its events that nobody really knows about who Arashi is - he's the kind of person who you could be talking with for ages and yet realise, once you've walked away from the conversation, that you don't know very much about that person at all. Leo lampshades this, saying that he's not close with Arashi, and that Arashi doesn't tell even his unit mates anything about himself. Arashi has a tendency to lie constantly about small things if it means that his unit mates will stop worrying about him, and has a tendency to deflect personal questions unless he's literally cornered about it and has the information dragged out of him. That's honestly the only reason why and how Leo is the only person (aside from Izumi, as implied) who knows about Arashi's backstory regarding his loss and why he was praying at the cenotaph in winter, although he outright lies to Tsukasa that he has no particular reason to be there aside from doing a good deed, to sweep snow away from the cenotaph and to maintain it. The lying isn't out of malice or out of anything like that, though. Arashi admits to himself that he's not particularly ready to tell anyone about the less savoury parts of his backstory.
On the topic of the less savoury parts of his backstory, Arashi wasn't always this selfless or kind. Izumi notes that Arashi had a pretty terrible personality prior to canon, and there are shades of it still evident in Arashi's current behaviour and personality.
Arashi likes competition - most of the time, it's friendly competition between the other runners of the track team, and most of Izumi and Arashi's interactions usually involve a competition of some sort, for instance, in Beauties of Nature and Ballet, Arashi and Izumi both get competitive over how much attention they can command from the audience. Arashi is someone who thrives if there is someone to surmount or surpass, because it makes him feel as if he has to work for the validation of being the peak. This need for competition wasn't always benign, though, Arashi used to be someone who would actually go behind Izumi's back to steal his modeling jobs, and would also be rude to seniors and respond sarcastically when confronted about it. Even now, Arashi also has a tendency to respond with witty, sarcastic remarks if the situation calls for it, although it's mostly played off as teasing, especially when it comes to his interactions with Izumi.
Something that not everyone expects Arashi to have is a vicious and almost cruel streak - it's also not immediately apparent, but because Arashi is very good at interacting with people, he's also very good at using people's weaknesses against them. One specific instance is during the events of Judgment, when Arashi has zero qualms about using Makoto's fear of Izumi to threaten Makoto (specifically, Arashi mentions siccing Izumi on Makoto) to wrangle information about Leo's temporary unit for Judgment, which he manages to do so successfully. He also has a flair for the dramatic and can be a bit of a sadist, especially during Lives - while he's also stated that he's not a fan of the Duel format which knights is famous for, in a Duel against Trickstar, Arashi seems to take pleasure in the thought of single-handedly destroying Trickstar and annihilating them, crushing them to bits.
SKILLS/ABILITIES:
☆ modeling: Arashi is described to be a "natural born supermodel" by Izumi at one point, and worked as a model before switching over to being an idol when entering Yumenosaki. Some of Arashi's cards are very pretty.
☆ idol-ing: As a member of the idol unit knights, Arashi is good at singing and dancing in front of large crowds. Even on his own, Arashi is a formidable idol who has quite a lot of talent, as stated during Duel where he was confident to be able to take on all four members of Trickstar on his own.
☆ other skills: Mentioned in other stories and events - Arashi is a jack of most trades and not really a master of one, since his principle is everything in moderation. He runs for Yumenosaki's track and field team, has a working knowledge of flower arrangement and flower language from his days as a model. He knows how to cook and make chocolates in particular, having taught Trickstar and Ra*bits how to make them, and picked up both basic ballet and ice skating skills during his time as an idol. That aside, his canon specialisation is said to be memorisation, which also manifests in how Arashi has a tendency to pick up things very quickly!
CHARACTER: AU SECTION
AU NAME: Arashi Narukami
AU AGE: 19
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES: Blue eyes instead of violet! Otherwise, no other physical changes.
AU NAME: Arashi Narukami
AU AGE: 19
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES: Blue eyes instead of violet! Otherwise, no other physical changes.
AU HISTORY:
content warnings for mentions of suicide in the below sections
☆ Born Arashi Narukami to a Japanese-American father and an American mother! Yes, the blonde hair and blue eyes are natural - Arashi took after his mother's appearance rather than his father's. He does speak a little bit of Japanese, enough to hold casual conversation, but most importantly, he knows enough Japanese to give people nicknames.
☆ For the most part, had a very normal upbringing. His parents run a business of importing Asian cosmetic brands to America and distributing them to major department stores, so they're all decently well off to live comfortably.
☆ That said, Arashi experimented very very early on with makeup and fashion, during middle school! The androgynous, mixed blood look helped a lot in this.
☆ Posted quite extensively to online photo sites and blogs and pretty much took part in the ulzzang culture, including the best face competitions with all the voting from fans online etc.
☆ ... Happened to sweep quite a lot of these competitions! Arashi is a very beautiful person, ok.
☆ Sweeping quite a lot of these competitions was also the reason why Arashi was scouted as a model! The person who scouted him was from a very large, very famous agency, so with parental consent, at age 16, Arashi debuted as a gravure model, mostly for higher end fashion brands targeted at a younger audience.
☆ Was pretty much considered a high flyer in certain circles - Arashi walked his first runway at a major fashion show when he was 17. Met and fell in love with a fellow model backstage from a different agency at that very same fashion show - it was pretty much love at first sight, actually.
☆ Everything was going great! For the most part. Arashi graduated from Recolle High, had a few big name credits under his belt, and he dated his boyfriend for almost a year in secret, since relationships were against agency rules, and one day near Christmas, Arashi discovered his boyfriend's body; he'd committed suicide after being dropped from several gigs and from bullying that Arashi had not been previously aware of.
☆ ... Needless to say, that kind of. Messed him up a lot. The rumour mill in the fashion industry is also vicious as hell, so it's no surprise that Arashi ended up quitting from his agency, and dropped off the face of the modeling world for a period.
☆ As of November, Arashi has only recently returned to the modeling world, signing a new contract with a new agency and looking to retake his spot in the industry. He's now signed to the same agency as Mizuki Sena (
adoringpast) and Goro Akechi (
twostringsonebow).
permission has been granted by both!
AU PERSONALITY: In Starfes, it's stated in canon that Arashi used to have a terrible personality before entering Yumenosaki, and it was the death of a close friend and the desire to live out that friend's dreams on his behalf that changed Arashi to what he is in canon instead of someone well, less likeable.
That's different here in Recolle.
In Recolle, the death of Arashi's boyfriend leaves Arashi heartbroken and bitter, and Arashi has no real reason to contemplate living out someone else's dreams for him. Modeling isn't an easy industry, and Arashi's bitterness manifests mostly in the fact that his negative traits as mentioned above - being rude to his seniors, sarcastic and vicious and willing to do questionable things to get ahead, are a lot more pronounced here, mostly because it's all or nothing and once you're in the fashion industry you have to use whatever you have to protect yourself, even if it means taking out the competition that can threaten you. He's less selfless and more selfish, and doesn't have that predisposition to wanting to protect other people's dreams from being broken because his own dreams were shattered when he was forced to drop out of the modeling industry for a while due to rumours.
That said, Arashi still comes off as being nice, especially on first impressions and to people that he's not entirely familiar with, but that's mostly a carefully crafted on-camera and public persona rather than out of any genuineness. He's capable of being genuine, but that's rare and only with specific people where he feels safe enough to bare his true self to. While Arashi in canon is known to be someone who makes friends extremely easily, even among rival units, Arashi in this instance is more likely to view people as potential threats to his top spot, and also someone who's less likely to reach out. That's not to say that Arashi isn't capable of making friends anymore, but he is more likely to be a bit more careful and cagey in general. Needless to say, that also means that his canon habit of lying about small things and deflecting personal questions is definitely more obvious here in order not to divulge too much information about himself.
That said, Arashi still retains some of his positive traits from canon, albeit with slightly different motivations. Arashi still manifests his protective streak and is more affectionate with his juniors, mostly because Arashi couldn't protect the person that was closest to him and this is his way of making up for it.
content warnings for mentions of suicide in the below sections
☆ Born Arashi Narukami to a Japanese-American father and an American mother! Yes, the blonde hair and blue eyes are natural - Arashi took after his mother's appearance rather than his father's. He does speak a little bit of Japanese, enough to hold casual conversation, but most importantly, he knows enough Japanese to give people nicknames.
☆ For the most part, had a very normal upbringing. His parents run a business of importing Asian cosmetic brands to America and distributing them to major department stores, so they're all decently well off to live comfortably.
☆ That said, Arashi experimented very very early on with makeup and fashion, during middle school! The androgynous, mixed blood look helped a lot in this.
☆ Posted quite extensively to online photo sites and blogs and pretty much took part in the ulzzang culture, including the best face competitions with all the voting from fans online etc.
☆ ... Happened to sweep quite a lot of these competitions! Arashi is a very beautiful person, ok.
☆ Sweeping quite a lot of these competitions was also the reason why Arashi was scouted as a model! The person who scouted him was from a very large, very famous agency, so with parental consent, at age 16, Arashi debuted as a gravure model, mostly for higher end fashion brands targeted at a younger audience.
☆ Was pretty much considered a high flyer in certain circles - Arashi walked his first runway at a major fashion show when he was 17. Met and fell in love with a fellow model backstage from a different agency at that very same fashion show - it was pretty much love at first sight, actually.
☆ Everything was going great! For the most part. Arashi graduated from Recolle High, had a few big name credits under his belt, and he dated his boyfriend for almost a year in secret, since relationships were against agency rules, and one day near Christmas, Arashi discovered his boyfriend's body; he'd committed suicide after being dropped from several gigs and from bullying that Arashi had not been previously aware of.
☆ ... Needless to say, that kind of. Messed him up a lot. The rumour mill in the fashion industry is also vicious as hell, so it's no surprise that Arashi ended up quitting from his agency, and dropped off the face of the modeling world for a period.
☆ As of November, Arashi has only recently returned to the modeling world, signing a new contract with a new agency and looking to retake his spot in the industry. He's now signed to the same agency as Mizuki Sena (
permission has been granted by both!
AU PERSONALITY: In Starfes, it's stated in canon that Arashi used to have a terrible personality before entering Yumenosaki, and it was the death of a close friend and the desire to live out that friend's dreams on his behalf that changed Arashi to what he is in canon instead of someone well, less likeable.
That's different here in Recolle.
In Recolle, the death of Arashi's boyfriend leaves Arashi heartbroken and bitter, and Arashi has no real reason to contemplate living out someone else's dreams for him. Modeling isn't an easy industry, and Arashi's bitterness manifests mostly in the fact that his negative traits as mentioned above - being rude to his seniors, sarcastic and vicious and willing to do questionable things to get ahead, are a lot more pronounced here, mostly because it's all or nothing and once you're in the fashion industry you have to use whatever you have to protect yourself, even if it means taking out the competition that can threaten you. He's less selfless and more selfish, and doesn't have that predisposition to wanting to protect other people's dreams from being broken because his own dreams were shattered when he was forced to drop out of the modeling industry for a while due to rumours.
That said, Arashi still comes off as being nice, especially on first impressions and to people that he's not entirely familiar with, but that's mostly a carefully crafted on-camera and public persona rather than out of any genuineness. He's capable of being genuine, but that's rare and only with specific people where he feels safe enough to bare his true self to. While Arashi in canon is known to be someone who makes friends extremely easily, even among rival units, Arashi in this instance is more likely to view people as potential threats to his top spot, and also someone who's less likely to reach out. That's not to say that Arashi isn't capable of making friends anymore, but he is more likely to be a bit more careful and cagey in general. Needless to say, that also means that his canon habit of lying about small things and deflecting personal questions is definitely more obvious here in order not to divulge too much information about himself.
That said, Arashi still retains some of his positive traits from canon, albeit with slightly different motivations. Arashi still manifests his protective streak and is more affectionate with his juniors, mostly because Arashi couldn't protect the person that was closest to him and this is his way of making up for it.
